Cycle of Life (ATF universe)
by jibber59
Summary: From death to birth, then on with life. A piece of disturbing news leads to even more disturbing revelations from a surprisingly vulnerable member of Team 7. (Note: discussions of death and child abuse - nothing graphic, but you have been warned.)
1. Chapter 1

_I once started crocheting a face cloth, that became a scarf, that became a shawl and ended as a blanket. This story reminds me of that. It began as a snippet, became a chapter, then a story. I fear an opus might yet come to pass if I can't turn off the random ramblings of my mind._

 _My thanks to the creators of these characters to I get to shape with my (occasionally disturbed) imagination. Trust me – I mean them no (serious) harm. And my thanks to those who continue to read and write these FF pieces, keeping the boys alive._

Conversation in the room stopped when the door to Chris Larabee's office opened. The man himself leaned out into the bullpen. "Ezra – need to see you. The rest of you could at least pretend to look busy."

"Oh Ezra – your turn in the principal's office." JD grinned, but halted his next comment when he got a look at Chris's face. Whatever was going on wasn't good. Ezra saw the look as well, and turned to his teammates to alleviate the tension. "We who are about to die, salute you." and with an exaggerated grin and gesture to match the quote, he stepped into the office. The door closed quickly behind him, but not before Chris gave a look that clearly told all the others to stay put.

"Damn." Buck spoke for all of them.

"What?" Vin Tanner walked into the room, unaware of what had just transpired. The sharpshooter had developed a special friendship with Ezra and Buck was reluctant to be the one to let him know there was likely trouble ahead. He looked down for a minute before speaking. "Ezra just got called into the lion's den."

"So, probably just an undercover job they need to discuss."

"Don't think so Vin." JD spoke up. Dunne was the youngest on the team, and in many ways the most innocent. Still, he knew trouble when he saw it. "The Judge was in there too. Been talking to Chris for about 20 minutes."

That did bring a frown to Vin's face. The Judge was Judge Travis. A long time justice, he had stepped down from the bench after being frustrated by too many plea deals and technicalities which tended to let the criminal masterminds off, see the minions punished in their place, and victims left with no justice. He took his skills and knowledge to the ATF and was given the responsibility of putting together special operations teams to try to balance that scale. The result included a number of special operations teams, far and away the best of which was Team 7.

Chris Larabee was born to lead just such a team. The project had presented itself at a time he was getting over his battle with his own demons resulting from the death of his wife and son, and had given him a reason to pull himself together. Buck Wilmington had been Chris's first recruit. A long-time friend, he was the balance to Chris's sombre outlook on life. Buck loved life, and lived it big. And it didn't hurt that he was the best lawman Larabee had ever worked with. If Buck had said no, the team would have died before it ever got started.

Josiah Sanchez was next on the team. One of the top profiler's in the business, the big man looked as intimidating as demon from hell, but was in reality a gentle soul. He gave the group a sense of tranquility in a job that usually did not allow for or encourage such a sentiment.

Josiah in turn had recommended Nathan Jackson. The young man had been working toward a medical degree when personal and financial issues got in the way, and he ended up working as an EMT. His proximity to law enforcement peaked that interest, and before he knew it he'd been recruited into the ATF and onto Team 7. He brought a moral code and work ethic to the team that provided a grounding the other more unconventional members benefited from.

The sharpshooter had been an automatic choice for Chris. He was well aware of Vin Tanner's reputation as a loner, and as a result a bit of an outsider in the ATF. He was also aware of his record. The man was quite probably the best shooter in that, or any other organization. A walking contradiction of a man who disliked violence and one who was unparalleled with a rifle, or most any weapon. He had quickly warmed to the others, and fit into their particular brand of eccentricity quite well.

The last original team member was JD Dunne, a recommendation from the Judge. A fresh recruit at the time, there seemed to be little the man couldn't do with or to a computer. His youthful enthusiasm was at the same time refreshing and annoying. Buck had taken it as his own project to ensure the youngster – the "Kid" – learned the ropes and, more importantly, learned how to duck.

It was almost a year later that Ezra Standish joined the team. Aside from the difficulties of trying to step into a well running machine, he had further baggage. He was available because he was no longer wanted by his previous employer – the FBI. There, he had been one of the top undercover operatives the Bureau had ever seen. But such a standing came with a price. Rumors began to circulate; he couldn't possibly be that good, fit in that well with the criminal element unless he was crooked himself. His high living life style and cavalier manner only served to endorse that opinion. And if Vin Tanner had been considered a loner, Standish was a hermit. He had no real friends within the Bureau, a fact that had become all too apparent when the speculation began. No one came to his defense, no one questioned the accusations. And so, despite the complete absence of any evidence, he became an outcast – unused and unwanted. He had, after months of putting up with the treatment, decided the time had come to move on, when he was approached by Chris Larabee.

Standish originally thought it was a joke, or a set-up. The steely look in Larabee's eyes soon convinced the man of his sincerity.

"Mr. Larabee, you are either extraordinarily clever, astonishingly naïve or certifiably insane to endeavour to conscript me into your esteemed and decidedly skilled ensemble. I cannot help but contemplate how much time shall pass before one of us laments what I am about to say. I accept your offer."

In the 16 months since that meeting, Larabee had had many times where he silently wondered if the decision had been his best call. Certainly professionally it was. The team's record was nothing short of astounding, with the highest conviction record in the system. But it had taken a long time before Ezra was one of the team. The stigma of his FBI departure hung over him still, although the team had long since abandoned any doubts they might have had. But Ezra had never completely let down his barriers. He remained a bit of a mystery to the others, and while the walls he kept around himself were lower now than they had ever been, there were still walls.

Now, the enigma that was Ezra Standish sat behind closed doors, and there was a sense of foreboding settling over his teammates.

"Gentlemen, I deeply appreciate your concern, and your condolences, but allow me to assure you neither is required. My mother is no more dead than you or I."

The Judge looked at Chris, arching an eyebrow. The unspoken question "Is he always this delusional?" was clear.

"Ezra, I know it's hard to accept–"

"Hard? No Chris – impossible. I understand your confusion, and I do sympathize with the fact that undoubtedly you both suspect my sanity at this point. Allow me to assure you this is not the first time my mother has 'died', and I doubt it will be the last. She has either tired of her current situation, or has dug herself in a little deeper than anticipated. Either way, this is a ploy, and not a terribly original one at that."

"Mr. Standish, I assure you I have very reliable sources on this. I know something of her – history – and made several calls before coming to notify you of this."

"And I assure you Judge, I deeply appreciate your efforts and concerns. But mother has perished or disappeared under questionable circumstances in the past, and has always reappeared down the line. I need to make only a few calls to determine the nature of her current circumstance and that will clear this up for you."

"Ezra?" He turned to look a Chris. "When she – died – in the past? I take it no body was ever found."

"Clearly, given that there was nothing to be discovered. It isn't as if she exterminated some unfortunate woman to take her position. Mother may be good many things, none of them good, but that is beyond even her consideration."

"They pulled her car out of a lake."

"One of her favorite's Chris. Car in the lake, handbag and personal items located, but alas, no remains."

"Ezra – there is a body. We have the report from the Vegas coroner."

The undercover man hesitated for a moment before regaining his poker face. "Well then clearly they have made an error. Mother's fingerprint records are not likely to be reliable, and anyone who might identify these remains would be remunerated accordingly. Really gentlemen, allow me a few calls and the matter will be resolved."

"OK Ezra – you stay here and make your calls. We'll wait for you in the conference room."

 ** _M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7_**

 ** _TBC_**


	2. Chapter 2

Moments later the rest of the team was settled around the table, waiting for the 7th to join them. The Judge had retired to his office, with orders to contact him in the event he could make a contribution.

"He really thinks this is a scam?" Josiah couldn't fathom such a cruel game.

"Seems sure – says it wouldn't be the first time."

"Man, that is bent. Wouldn't she have let him know first?" JD looked as stunned as they all felt.

"Apparently that hasn't always been her approach. According to Ez-" He cut off as the door opened.

"I see our leader has shared Mother's latest escapade with you all. Please gentlemen, spare me the long faces. In a short matter of time I shall receive confirmation that your concerns are unwarranted."

"Hope your right there, Son." Josiah spoke softly, and noticed with regret that Ezra flinched slightly at the word 'son'. Perhaps this had not been the best time for that particular term of friendship to be used.

Nathan cast a puzzled look at their resident chameleon. "Ezra, you told Chris she's done this before?"

"On multiple occasions, and with striking results at times. The first that I was aware of followed a rather devastating fire in a nightclub. It was almost 3 months before she reappeared after that one, claiming to have been overseas and unaware that anyone had been so tragically mislead. Caused quite a bit of consternation with the child care authorities at the time." He grinned as he spoke, with the smile not reaching to the rich green eyes.

"Child care – Ezra, how old were you?"

"Oh my, if memory serves I believe it was shortly after my 11th birthday, or was it the 10th?" He looked up at shocked faces around the room, belatedly realizing the others might not appreciate this particular exploit. "I assure you gentlemen I was fine throughout the adventure."

"Adventure?" Buck voice rumbled in the room as he tried with limited success to control his anger. "You were 10 and she let you think you were an orphan for 3 months, and you call it an adventure?"

"What would you have me call it? I survived, none the worse."

Choosing not to argue that point, Chris moved the discussion forward. "When was the next time?"

"That would have been 4 years hence. One of her finest cons ever, I must say. She 'leapt to her death' off a bridge to churning waters below. Body was never found. Story corroborated by several witnesses, including a police officer, a priest and –" he cut himself off, again realizing to late he may have miscalculated the reactions of the others.

"You – she did that in front of you?" Nathan stared. "And you were able to con the cops at the age of 14?" When Ezra didn't respond Chris got a deep pit in his stomach. He stood up and stalked over to his agent.

"You didn't know it was a con – did you? You thought she'd jumped."

"Please sir. I know my mother better than to think she would ever consider such an act." One look into his eyes showed the man was clearly lying, and the recollection of the terror in the heart of a 14-year-old Ezra broke through the façade for just a moment before being deeply hidden again. "I never did get all of the details on how she pulled it off though. I must remember to ask her next time we speak. Could be a handy trick to have in my repertoire."

Not giving any of them a chance for further comments, he moved ahead. "There were three subsequent 'deaths' I am aware of, and it is entirely possible there have been others where my involvement was not required."

Further discussion was halted by a knock at the door as the Judge entered.

"Mr. Standish, may I see you privately for a moment?"

"You may speak in front of the other sir; I have no secrets."

They all seriously doubted that to be true, based on the last few minutes alone. "I have to confess to you that I have taken a liberty which I hoped would make things easier for you. I had arranged for your mother's remains to be flown here from Vegas. I just got the call from the city morgue that the transfer has been completed."

"That was more than generous of you to orchestrate sir. And it will accelerate the conclusion of this regrettable misunderstanding. If I may be permitted to depart for a brief period, I can make the positive, or to be more accurate, NOT make the positive identification and we can resume our own matters of law enforcement."

"We're going with you." When the agent tried to refuse the offer, Chris cut him off. "Ezra, that body was in the water for at least 3 days. Whether it's your mother or not, it ain't gonna be pretty. You're not doing this alone."

One look told him this was not up for further discussion. "I shall, under protest, concede to your demands. But please; there is no necessity for all of you to restructure your schedules, and I am sure the Judge would prefer at least some of us continue with the activities for which we are so richly reward each payday. Now, if you will allow me a few moments to make a few supplemental calls, and I shall be ready. Might I use your office again?" On getting a nod, he headed out of the room turning back briefly. "Please gentlemen, do not worry. This is of no consequence."

As the door closed a variety of curses filled the air in the boardroom.

"Judge, how long is the statute of limitations on child abuse?" Nathan asked.

"I take it Mr. Standish was describing some of his history with his mother?"

"You knew about that?" Chris questioned angrily.

"I know some of the story; it was in his review when he transferred from the Bureau. I have a feeling what is in there isn't even the tip of the iceberg. It is a unique relationship."

"Chris?" Bucks voice was almost a growl. "I should let you know that if that woman **is** still alive – I plan to kill her."

"Get in line."

"I cannot believe I once had feelings for that – that…I cannot come up with an appropriate label." The sadness in Josiah's voice reflected how they all felt. "How did I ever find her appealing?"

"Cause that's what she does. She has – had – an unnatural gift for making people, making men, overlook everything wrong and fall for whatever web she's spinning. I didn't realize anyone could be that evil. I mean, we've dealt with a lot of sick bastards in the job, but that – what she's done to him over his life. That's just evil. Dear God – he was 10!" Nathan was disgusted by the whole idea of Maude Standish at this point.

For the first time since this started, Vin spoke.

"Don't matter. None of that matters right now."

"How the hell can you say that?" Buck challenged.

"I'm not saying Ezra doesn't matter, or what he went through doesn't. I'm saying **right now** we can't focus on that. Because no matter what we think of her, no matter what hell that woman has done to him, there is one fact that doesn't change. She's his mother. And for reasons that none of us will ever understand, he loves her. And when it hits him this is for real, he won't ask for our help if we are sitting in judgement of her."

JD smiled sadly. "Vin – you know him better than any of us. He won't ask for our help anyway."

"Fair enough. But he won't accept it when we offer. Won't even let us near. So no matter what we think, we keep it quiet."

"He'll know what we think, he's not stupid"

"I know Buck, but if we don't say it, we can all work around it for now."

The big man stood and started to pace. "I don't know if I can put up that good an act. Right now there is nothing I want to do more than –" he looked out the window. "Damn it. Chris, Ezra's car is gone. He took off. He's on his way on his own."

Chris charged for the door, rapidly followed by the others. The Judge stopped Josiah as he passed. "You all take the time you need. This isn't a mistake. You need to be there for him."

"No doubt on that."

 ** _M7- M7- M7- M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7_**

 ** _TBC_**


	3. Chapter 3

There had been debate on the drive over about the best way to handle things, but one look from Chris in the parking lot told the team all that needed to be said. They took their place off to the side as their leader downheartedly started to walk to the building. He looked up to see Vin walking beside him.

"You're not stopping me Chris. I'm gonna be there."

Chris just nodded. In his heart he knew Vin would likely be better for Ezra right now than he'd be, but wouldn't duck his obligation both as team leader and friend to be there himself. Flashing their ATF IDs at the front desk, the duo walked toward the morgue. They had almost reached the doors when they opened to reveal Ezra walking toward them, poker face firmly entrenched.

"My apologies for leaving without notifying you of my plan. I really did not feel it was necessary for you to accompany me on what I believed to be a fool's errand. And as it transpired that is exactly what it was, with me once again being the fool."

"Ezra?"

"What I do not understand Vin, is how I could so easily be convinced that simply because she had successfully duped me so often in the past that somehow equated to the impression she never could really die. As I say, clearly I was a fool."

Chris took a step forward to offer comfort, but stopped on seeing a slight shake of the head from Vin. Ezra would not take sympathy well at this moment, and getting it from Chris would be most awkward. So if he couldn't provide physical support, he'd try another approach.

"What needs to be done Ezra? I can make any calls or arrangements you need. The Judge can help with any kind of legal formalities."

"Thank you, but he has already prepared most of that in order to arrange to have moth – to have the body sent here. I shall have to do a bit of digging to determine her legal status, and representative at this point. I'm not ever sure if she has a will. Isn't that dreadful? A son should know such things."

Vin nodded his head to Chris, trying to send him the message to leave them alone. Chris tersely shook his head in response. He didn't want to leave Ezra sounding and looking so vulnerable. He had never seen the man look so uncertain, so lost. Vin glared again, and was startled to hear a laugh from Ezra.

"Honestly, I have never perceived such loud efforts at silent communication in my life. I am **fine** gentlemen. A little at a loss for what my next course of action should be, but I assure you I am not about to fall apart in your presence." He proved himself to be a liar just seconds later as he took a step forward and stumbled in front of them.

They both grabbed for him, catching him before he hit the floor, and guided him to the bench. Ezra regained control of himself as he was seated. "Well that was genuinely mortifying. I cannot begin to apologize-"

"Well then don't. Damn it Ezra, you had one hell of a shock. You are allowed to be human you know. Kind of scare me if you weren't off your game from all of this." Chris looked at the younger man, trying to determine if he'd remain upright left on his own. When he convinced himself of that, he let go of his elbow.

"I think if I might be allowed a moment to gather my thoughts I shall be fine to reconvene with you both outside."

"Nope. Last time I left you alone you took off on me and came here. Not leaving you alone again for a while so get used to it. Now, do you want me or Vin to take you home?" Chris's tone was gruff, but the compassion on his face was almost Ezra's undoing.

"I have no intention of leaving –". He was silenced by the patented Larabee glare. "Fine, I no longer have any intention of leaving on my own. But I do not wish to go home. No Chris, I mean that. I don't want to be at home right now. I would prefer to go back to the office to make the calls and arrangements I need to. Most of the information I require is on the computer there and it will speed the process."

"JD can get you the stuff from your computer and send it to you. Or I can make calls for you. Ezra, you don't have to come back to the office."

Ezra spoke softly, almost shyly. "I would be more comfortable there."

Chris mentally kicked himself around the block. Even if he would never admit it, even to himself, Ezra wanted – needed – the companionship of his team. It wasn't a matter of not wanting to be home, it was not wanting to be alone.

"Everybody is outside waiting. Want me to clear them out for you?" Chris asked. Ezra shook his head wearily. "No, that is quite alright."

It was only then Chris noted Vin hadn't taken his hand from Ezra's arm. Now, as he did stand and disconnect, it was almost as if someone had pulled a plug, and Ezra sank back further into the bench. Vin reached down to help him to his feet, recharging him with the contact. "Let's go Ez. I'll drive you back."

Ezra did little more than nod to acknowledge the presence of the others as Vin led him slowly to his car. Ezra handed over the keys without a thought, which alone indicated how rattled he was. No one else drove his Jag, and to give the keys to Vin of all people. Only handing them to Chris would have been more unthinkable. And maybe Buck.

As they watched the pair drive off JD found himself fighting tears, and genuinely angry with himself for the fact.

"I ain't mourning her. I won't. I'm not crying."

"Sure you are kid, and it's not for her. You're upset cause your friend is hurting and you don't know what to do for him. No shame in that."

"Just so as you know it's not for her."

"It should be you know." They looked to Josiah, ready to attack him for allowing his past feelings for the woman to surface now. "I feel deep sorrow for the woman. Can you imagine having had such an amazing son and never having been able to appreciate him? Never knowing what was right under your eyes. Yes, I feel genuinely sorry for her and what she lost."

"Looking at it that way," Nathan agreed, "you kinda can't help but feel sorry for her. Can't say in some ways, at some times, we haven't been almost as bad. At least I have."

"We've all had our moments with him. He can be trying at times. Guess now we can see why a bit better. Well, we can't change the past boys, but we damn sure can change the future." They nodded at Chris's words as they headed back to their friend.

 ** _M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7_**

 ** _TBC_**


	4. Chapter 4

The day passed quietly at the office. Everyone tried to stay available to Ezra, without appearing to hover. He would look up to see one or more of them watching him, and smile a bit as they quickly turned away. Nathan and Josiah were reasonably good at covering themselves, but JD and Buck were hopeless at subtlety. Neither Chris nor Vin made any effort to be anything but obvious in their supervision of the man. He fully expected one of both to follow him to the men's room, and while they did stop short of that, he was certain they kept an eye on the door.

He did take some time to extend his appreciation to the Judge, who dismissed the thanks, every bit as uncomfortable as Ezra was with the unfolding of events. The two had never had much to do with each other, more by circumstance than deliberate planning, and to have such a raw emotional event give them a bond was awkward to both. Nevertheless, southern manners and judicial propriety meant that gratitude was expressed and accepted, and the door had been opened to future development of rapport.

When he came back from the meeting he was surprised to see Buck and JD had left. It was early, and they weren't on an active case that he was aware of. He glanced to Vin, but Chris answered the unspoken question.

"Sent them to get some supplies for supper. We're **all** heading out to the ranch. Throw some steaks on the grill, cook up some stuff to go with." The emphasis on 'all' hadn't been missed. Ezra debated about arguing, and realized he had neither the energy, nor strangely the inclination, to challenge the order.

"That sounds like an excellent idea. I wish you had informed me as I would have been more than happy to supply the items myself. It would be the least I could do in recompense for all you gentlemen have done today."

"Friendship doesn't need to be paid back Ezra. Just returned in kind. You already do that, so we're even." Josiah smiled at him as Ezra looked a bit stunned by the sentiment. It continued to mystify him as to why these co-workers considered him a friend. It wasn't an experience he'd had in the past, and the concept still caught him of guard more often than not and remained beyond his understanding.

"Chris, I do have a couple more calls that need to be made, and I would much prefer to do them in private."

"Told you Ezra, you can use my office for those."

"No, you misunderstand. I would rather not have anyone around. I need to be on my own for these." He saw the look Chris gave to Vin. "I assure you I will not do anything to cause any of you concern. I will come out to the ranch immediately after the calls. You have my word, if that has any value to you."

"Course it does Ezra. I'm not doubting you. I just don't know if it's really a good idea for you to do that drive yourself. I'm willing to bet you fall asleep the minute you settle into those comfy seats in that fancy car of yours."

"I'll wait outside for you." Vin looked him in the eyes. "Can wait as long as you need – I got nowhere else to be. We'll get to the ranch when we get there. The rest can eat without us, so long as they leave a few table scraps." He grinned slightly, relieved to see the reaction.

"Ezra Standish does not eat table scraps Vin. I thought you knew me better. I assure you, we shall arrive in time for a proper dinner, provided you gentlemen have no objection to a fashionably late repast."

"No problem Ezra. We'll pick up a carton or so of chips to tide Buck over until we can feed him properly. You take your time. We can wait when it's important."

Ezra fought the lump in his throat on hearing Josiah's heartfelt words. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak, then turned and went into Chris's office.

"He's too calm."

"I know Nathan, but what are we supposed to do about it. Poke him? Goad him into something? He's processing. We let him keep going on autopilot for now, and stay close."

Dinner wasn't all that late after all, and by the time they finished, most of the plates had been all but licked clean. Ezra's however, had barely been touched. As he left the table he slid the plate to Buck, forcing a smile on his face. "I know you would hate to see such a fine cut of beef go unappreciated. I'm going to enjoy a brief promenade of the grounds."

They watched as he slipped out back, working his way to the stables. None of them would have guessed when the self-describe southern city–boy joined them that he was in anyway an outdoorsman, and for the most part they'd have been right. But put him near a horse, and it was a different story.

The first time he'd visited the ranch and had seen the animals in the corral he'd been drawn to them, and to an exceptionally stubborn beast in particular. Chris warned him off, saying the newly acquired mount did not take kindly to any rider, especially inexperienced ones and had no patience for strangers. Ezra had simply smiled at the comment, and stepped back, thanking him for his concern. A while later he noticed Ezra was no longer with them and, knowing in his gut where the newest team member was Chris rushed to the stables. He expected to find the novice trampled or pinned, and was stunned to see him brushing down the animal, speaking softly to him. The horse nuzzled at a hand full of feed, and gently tossed his head.

"I believe sir, that this magnificent creature has been offended by his name. He does not consider himself to be a "Warrior". He is in fact far more sophisticated than that description would suggest. We have agreed that Chaucer would better reflect his high breeding."

He was almost to stunned at the sight to be able to form a reply. "Uh, sure. That'd be OK I guess. Wait – you agreed?"

"I provided a number of suggestions, and he indicated a preference. Is that not how you determined the name for your fine steed?"

"Yeah – sure." He wasn't entirely sure Ezra was joking about any of this.

Chaucer had been Ezra's horse ever since. And that is where he sought solace now. The horse allowed his man to lean into his neck, braying softly to offer what comfort he could. Eventually Ezra reached for a brush and spent the next 45 minutes giving him a show ready grooming. Then, gently scratching him behind the ears, a move Chaucer adored, he bid his friend goodnight. Vin slipped quietly from his vantage point a few minutes later, passing by the horse on his way. "You're a good friend," he whispered, slipping the animal a favoured peppermint treat, and getting a soft whinny in return.

Vin circled the house to make it appear he was not arriving from the stables. Ezra looked at him that clearly asked who he thought he was fooling, but said nothing. The sharpshooter simply shrugged.

They gathered around the fire pit on the back patio, watching the sky fill with stars as the summer night darkened. It was a companionable silence, disturbed only by the sound from the crackling flames and accentuated by the occasional whiny from the stable or howling from a distant wolf pack. After a time, Ezra cleared his throat, drawing the attention of the others.

"I very much would like to convey my appreciation to you all for your extraordinary determination at obscuring your true thoughts in your desire to protect my feelings. I recognize precisely how you judge my mother, and I can certainly comprehend why you have developed the impression you have. I do wish I could convey to you the true nature of the woman, but I am not sufficiently certain of it myself to express it to others."

No one quite knew how to respond to that, but after a moment Josiah made the effort. "Well Ezra, I don't think anyone would deny that Maude was an interesting and unique woman."

"Yeah Ezra. We aren't so much judging here as we are thinking of how it was for you."

"Nonsense Nathan. Of course you are judging her. It is elementary human nature to form opinions of others. Too often it is done with no evidence, but in this situation I imagine I, along with circumstances, have afforded you more than sufficient material upon which base your suppositions. Why, today alone I clearly chilled your souls with my anecdotes of some of her exploits."

"Exploits? You call what she did to you exploits?"

Chris growled at his hot-tempered friend. "Not now Buck."

"I'm sorry Ezra, but seriously – I do not understand how you can keep offering up excuses for her. She let you think she was dead when you were a kid. Hell, she let you think she'd killed herself right in front of you later. How do you justify that?"

Ezra smiled slightly at the unspoken meaning of Buck anger. He had not gotten used to the idea of others coming to his defense, and he still failed to completely understand why any of these men would feel the need or inclination to do so. But on days like this, he definitely did appreciate the gestures.

"I choose, Buck, to focus on what was gained by such experiences, and how they made me what I am today."

Chris let his mind wander for just a moment, wondering how Ezra would define himself. He realized he couldn't pass up the opportunity that had just been handed him.

"And just what are you today Ezra. What did Maude make you?"

He hadn't been expecting the question. "The southern gentleman you see before you. What would you expect?"

Chris didn't respond, but set his toned down 'don't bullshit me' glare onto his agent. Ezra took another deep breath to reign in his response, and suddenly realized he no longer had the energy to maintain the pretense.

"Fine, you want the truth? The whole truth? What I am Mr. Larabee" – ok Ezra was pissed off – "is an expert liar, an confidence man, a reprobate, and, when needed a cheating, duplicitous, two-faced scoundrel. I am a man who can't be trusted, just ask any of my former colleagues at the FBI. I will take any situation and turn it to my benefit. And, if the situation warrants it, I am renegade who will, at all costs, ensure his own well-being before that of anyone else. All of that camouflaged in a charming, cunning, and totally fraudulent disguise you see before you. That, gentlemen, is what Maude made me."

He stood to walk away, both ashamed and disgusted by his display of temper, and more so by his revelations to the others. He had consumed too many beers, been too tired and too drained emotionally and mentally, to keep his guard up. Now, as a result, he had just destroyed the closed thing to friendship he had ever known. He made it about 6 steps away before the first movement happened. Josiah rose in front of him, effectively creating a wall on his departure route. He looked up at the big man, setting a glare to his face to rival Larabee's finest, but it had no effect at all. Instead, he felt Josiah's hands on his shoulders and before he could react, found himself pulled into a smothering hold. It was the final straw in a day that had turned him inside out, and he found himself collapsing into the embrace as the world spun out around him.

 ** _M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7_**

 ** _TBC_**


	5. Chapter 5

It took Ezra a bit of time when he woke up to figure out where he was. The couch he was on was comfortable, but clearly was not his own. After a few moments he recognized the décor – he was at the ranch. That realization brought the recent hours fully into focus for him and he wondered fleeting if the blanket covering him was something he could use to smother himself. Given that such an action was not a viable plan, he looked around to see if he would be able to slip quietly from the room, avoiding contact with whoever else might still be in the house. The first rays of dawn gave enough light to the room to quickly show that plan was out of the question.

Chris sat in the large rocker in the corner, near the door. The book on his lap had been abandoned, but was proof he'd been there most if not all of the night. He may appear to be dozing, but Ezra knew the man well enough to know the first footfall would have him conscious and ready for any encounter. Buck lounged at the far end of the second couch in the room, legs stretched out and feet resting on the corner of the coffee table. JD was taking up the rest of the space, with his feet resting on Buck's lap. Josiah had taken over the love seat, sprawled in what appeared to be a ridiculously uncomfortable position. He would be feeling that in his back for the next day or two. Nathan was nowhere to be seen, but Ezra was willing to bet he was curled up in the comfy chair located the far corner behind him.

Which left Vin, who at this moment sat on the floor just feet way from Ezra. He'd been stretched out beside the couch, but pulled himself up at the first sound of life from above. Now, as Ezra looked over, he couldn't avoid making eye contact.

"Don't even think about going anywhere Ezra. Chris has placed you under house arrest."

"What fabricated charge has he decreed to validate such a threat?"

"Well, we discussed the possibility of public intoxication, or maybe disturbing the peace. But then we would have had to arrest Buck and JD as well, so that wasn't gonna work."

"I recall Buck having a number of libations last night, but JD?"

"Yeah, well... he felt the need to have a few after we got you settled in last night."

"So what you are trying not to say is that I drove him to drink?"

"Had that effect of all of us Ezra." Chris's voice was at the same time soft and hard, tinged with concern yet still coloured by barely controlled anger he knew was inappropriate, but could not dispel. "Had us all pretty damn scared."

"Scared – surely this is not the first time you have seen someone pass out from too much alcohol and not enough rest or care."

"Wasn't what you did Ezra – it was what you said." Ezra had won the bet with himself, as he heard Nathan's voice coming from behind him.

"Still, not an offense. And despite Buck's chosen moniker of "kid' for our young colleague, he is well past the age I could be accused of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, so I ask again what charge I am being 'detained' under."

"We're thinking perjury."

"Won't stand up Vin. I was neither under oath, nor lying."

"Well, we don't see it that way."

"I cannot be held responsible for your erroneous interpretations of reality. Now, if you will all excuse me -"

"You're not going anywhere Ezra."

"I beg to differ. I passed out and spent the night on a couch. I now have need of the opportunity to perform my morning ablutions, amongst other things. I assume I can be trusted to carry out the activity on my own?"

He knew challenging their trust was a cheap shot under the current circumstances, but he was in no mood to be arguing right now. He needed a few minutes, at least, to get himself pulled back together, and start feeling a little more like himself. If that required playing mind games, well that was his specialty.

"Fine – you fix yourself up and we'll get some breakfast going. But Ezra," he paused until the younger man looked at him, "this ain't over. Not by a long shot."

An hour later the team had regrouped around the breakfast table. They'd all taken a bit of time to freshen up. The ranch had been used so often as an escape or recovery locale that all had taken to leaving a change of clothing and a few basic supplies in the guest rooms. They were a rather motley looking crew, dressed in everything from sweats to jeans to leather, but they were united in determination to set things right for Ezra. How they would achieve that goal was far less certain.

He was the last to join them, having wandered out again to check on Chaucer. Few things settled his nerves as much as spending time with his equine confidante. Here there was no judgment, no guilt, no sense of disappoint, just companionship and a special bond. Try though he might, he had never been able to accept that his teammates might feel the same way about him. He came to the table and stood behind his seat, not quite ready to join the others.

"I cannot begin to communicate my shame over my comportment last evening. I would put the culpability on liquor and sentiment, but I suspect you would not, and should not accept such a feeble justification. My words and deeds caused you apprehension and anxiety, and I assure you that was not my intent. You gentlemen do not deserve to be stressed in such a fashion. I can only request, but do not presume to expect, your indulgence and forgiveness." Hoping that would be the end of the matter, he pulled out his chair to sit. He hadn't completed the motion before Buck had leapt to his feet.

"Well you ain't getting my forgiveness. Not that easy."

"Buck, take it easy." JD looked up at his partner. He'd rarely seen him so angry, and never directed at one of their own.

"No kid, I'm not taking it easy. Look Ezra; I know you're upset, and I know this is a bad time, but that don't change the fact you said some rotten things last night about one of the best friends I've got. One of the best people I've known. And you've got no right to talk about him like that."

Ezra was confused. Perhaps he'd had even more to drink than he was aware of, but he could not recall making any disparaging remarks about Chris, or JD, or any of the team. He could only conclude Buck felt the team had been sullied by his presence, which would be a valid assertion no doubt.

"I assure you Buck, I did not mean to disparage the team, or any of you gentlemen in my declarations. I understand the concept of guilt by association, and it was not my intention –"

"Damn it– you can't be that stupid. I can guarantee you that the crap you said about Ezra Standish was a giant load of pure unmitigated, unfiltered 100 per cent bullshit. I will not let you get away with spewing out garbage like that about one of the best agents I've ever worked with."

"He's right Ezra." Chris's voice was calmer, but every bit as resolute. "Do you think any one of us would work beside a man like the one you described last night? Would trust our lives, and the lives our friends to such a man? You think we'd invite him to sit at our table? Cause if you do, you must not have too high an opinion of us."

"No. That's…you couldn't be more wrong on that. My opinion of you, all of you, is far beyond what you imply."

"Really, cause that's not how I read this. You think we could be friends with the man you talked about?"

"I think the man I spoke about is an expert at obfuscation. He inherited the gift of the grift. I think he is not worthy of your concerns."

"Well, you're dead wrong." Vin smiled at him warmly. "That guy hasn't been around for a long time now. I know you have trouble seeing that, and we are all going to have to do a better job of making sure you figure it out. Don't think we don't know we helped keep some of that delusion going, 'specially in the early going. But it don't hold water any more Ezra – and I think deep down you know that. You've never taken a bribe, you've never sold out anyone, here or in the Bureau. You've put your life on the line for all of us, and you've got the scars to prove it. Can't think of a time you lied to any of us – least not about anything important. You MAY have been that guy in the past, when you were younger and Maude gave you no choice, but that is not the man you have become."

Not one of them doubted for a moment that was the longest speech Vin Tanner had ever made. It was also the best, but Ezra was alone in doubting that. He couldn't deny the facts – he had in fact never taken a bribe or done most of the things he'd been accused of in his adult life. But he still could not force his mind, his heart, to reach the same conclusion the others seemed to have found. He looked around the table, forcing himself to meet the eyes of each man. He searched for the slightest indication of insincerity in them, and found none.

"I have always deemed you six men to be the most principled and honest individuals I have encountered, not just in law enforcement but in life. And if, for rationales I cannot begin to comprehend or fully acknowledge at this time, you have determined I am indeed worthy to be a part of your realm, I suppose I must concede to your better judgement. I shall endeavor to make the effort to get to know your Ezra Standish, but I beseech you all to be patient. It appears that, on some matters, I can be a very slow learner."

Buck smiled for the first time that day. "Hell Hoss – we got all the time in the world. Now will somebody please hand those flapjacks down here."

They ate, joked and shared as if nothing had happened, all while watching Ezra closely, and they thought, covertly. He smiled to himself at the attention, and accepted that he was going to have to get used to it for a while.

 ** _M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7_**

 ** _TBC_**


	6. Chapter 6

Ezra checked his voicemail for about the 10th time that day before JD allowed his curiosity to get the better of him.

"Who are you expecting a call from?"

"Just hoping to have a response for some of the people I contacted concerning mother's passing."

"Yeah – guess she's got a lot of ex's to notify. Damn, that didn't come out right."

"Don't concern yourself JD – you speak the truth. And they are not the ones I attempted to contact. Good Lord, it could take me weeks just to track them all down."

"So, who did you call – if it OK to ask?"

Ezra looked up and noticed Chris and Vin had quietly joined them, not taking part in the discussion, but watching. He sighed quietly and reminded himself he no longer needed to keep secrets from these men.

"Family. Mother's family. Or at least those whose whereabouts I am still familiar with. There is an aunt in Georgia who I did speak with. She said she would spread the word, although from her tone, I do not expect the news will take a high priority. Great-Aunt Clara was of the more legitimate side of the family, being the sister to my maternal Grandmother. She was not the most interesting or compelling of the relatives I stayed with over the years."

"Why does your use of the word 'interesting' fill me with dread?" Chris asked with a friendly smirk.

"Because sir, I seriously doubt you would approve of the child rearing techniques of most of my relations. They had a unique perspective on things."

"OK, that just adds curiosity to the dread. Care to share any details?"

"Well let's see." Vin waved the others into the room as Ezra settled back in his seat. Amid his many other talents, Ezra could weave a story better than anyone he'd ever met. It was a part of what made him such a good undercover operative, and an extremely entertaining friend. And sharing his past was not a daily occurrence, so Vin wanted to be sure no one missed the moment.

"You'll have to forgive me if it takes a moment to scan through my memory for tales that would neither raise your ire nor lower your opinion of my relations. My mother is the product of a long line of grifters and charlatans herself. She claimed the family had been living life of the edge of legality for as far back as anyone can ascertain. Some maintained we could likely trace our roots back to the apple provider in the Garden of Eden. I have often fancied myself to the descendant of some Mississippi River boat gambler, or a poker professional in the Old West. Someone who may have sat across the table from the likes of Billy the Kid or Doc Holliday, plying his trade and cheating his way to wealth and infamy."

"Ever occur to you that you might be the descendant of an honest man – maybe even a lawman who tracked down the likes of Billy the Kid or other bad guys?"

"Given the family legacy, I cannot honestly say that it seemed like a reasonable possibility JD. However, if perchance he fell into the company of the right men, one never knows how someone's life might be turned around."

"No," Josiah agreed quietly. "You just never know."

Ezra cleared away the lump forming in his throat. "Now, where were we. Oh, we can start with cousin Arthur. And I should clarify most of these people are actually somewhat removed from my immediate family tree. Mother had only one sibling, at least that was acknowledged by the family. That would be her sister Alice. Barely a year younger and quite clearly from the same stock, but beyond her appearance there were no similarities in the two women." He paused to glance at JD. "That is one of the phone calls that I am expecting. I never knew her well, but in our few encounters in my much younger days, I always found her to be a gracious woman."

"Where is she Ezra?"

"Last I heard, a convent near New Orleans. Yes, my mother's sister is a nun." He enjoyed the dumbfounded looks.

Josiah was the first to find his voice. "Thought you said you were Southern Baptist."

"I was whatever was needed at any given time. However, I believe Aunt Alice converted to the Church to fulfill what she saw has her vocation. I told you gentlemen, mine is a unique clan."

They all settled in and enjoyed the tales told over the next hour. Chris hoped there was exaggeration in some of the stories, but feared there was not. It was clear even by the selected and edited escapades that Ezra had had anything but a normal childhood. JD was fascinated by it all.

"You should write all this stuff down. You'd have a best seller – probably 4 or 5 of them. I know I'd read them all, even though you've already told me."

"A tempting thought JD, and a career option I shall hold in reserve for the moment." He looked to his audience again.

"I know you all have a low opinion of mother for leaving me in the hands of others as often as she did, but you can see how those experiences benefited me in the long run, and certainly offered a grounding for my chose profession. I had, for the most part the childhood others dream of. How many children do you know who were actually permitted to join the carnival? To travel across this land? And while I never encountered the pirates of Treasure Island or mysteries of Sherlock Holmes, I nevertheless enjoyed adventures to rival Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn. It may not have been the ideal childhood, but is was most gratifying."

"Got to hand it to you Ezra. You have a real gift for coming across a stable full of manure and digging around to find the pony."

"I am going to assume that is intended as a compliment Buck, and will accept it as such."

"Your whole family can't have been grifters and the like Ezra. You said there was a legitimate side as well. Ever stay with any of them?"

"Sadly Nathan, we did have our share of dull, traditional sorts as well. In the entirety of the time I was with her, Great-aunt Clara never cracked a smile in my presence. I don't know whether that was a reflection of her character, or mine." He grinned. "I could be a bothersome child at times."

"Really? I find that hard to imagine." Ezra decided once again that Chris was extremely irritating when he was being sarcastic.

"I can understand your confusion. Most of the time I was a delight to be around, and was lovingly welcomed into every home." This time the smile did not seem as sincere, and Chris was sure he saw something else in those jade eyes for just a moment. He abandoned the tone he'd been teasing Ezra with.

"Not all sunshine and roses was it."

"Most of it was Chris, and that is all a child can expect. Especially a child who is intruding on the normal affairs of a family."

"So what your trying so hard not to say is that when you weren't part of a con or game someone was running, you weren't exactly welcome at the table."

He debated bluffing his way through once again, but Ezra was determined to put that aspect of his relationship with the others behind him. "No, I was not exactly the family member most cherished. An additional person to support, even a child, was not always appreciated by the reprobates in the family, unless of course I my services were required for part of a sting. Those who strayed from the family traditions and became 'honest and upright' citizens were often no more tolerant of me than were the ne'er-do-wells. Many of them were firm believers in the "to spare the rod is to spoil the child" approach to child rearing, and since clearly I had inherited the bad genes, anything that could be seen as an effort to help me find the proper path was seen as perfectly acceptable."

"Did Maude know you were being beaten?" Josiah was never one to skirt around the truth.

"I chose at the time to believe she did not, and I see no reason to alter that perspective at this point."

 _'_ _So yes, she did'_ they all thought to themselves.

Nathan's voice was hesitant. "Was it bad – I mean, were you hurt bad Ezra?"

Ezra was comforted by the concern in the healer's voice, as if he could now do something to fix the old wounds, and for a moment the emotion allowed him to forget himself, and precisely how astute is audience was. "The injuries healed Nathan. The scars faded over time. The beatings were far from the wor–" he caught himself, but too late.

Buck growled, having a good idea how that sentence was intended to end. There was only one thing worse than a beating for a child. Chris was having the same reaction, as were the others as the light dawned on each. Ezra tried to look away, but found himself mesmerized by their responses. Josiah, the gentle giant, curled his hands into fists and the look on his face showed he had an almost overwhelming desire to use them. If Nathan had been concerned about the beatings this had him disturbed to his soul. He'd seen the effects of abuse on children in his time as an EMT, and imagining a young Ezra in the hospital bed, shocked and traumatized almost brought him to tears.

There was no almost for JD, as his eyes filled with tears he would not allow to fall. He would not let his friend think he was being pitied – there were few things he hated more than pity. The courage JD showed in fighting that response very nearly brought Ezra to the same state.

But it was Vin's reaction that came closest to being his undoing. He simply looked at Ezra, not wavering for a moment in meeting his returning stare. There was no mistaking the distress, the unease that the sharpshooter was feeling at that moment. Nor was there any mistaking the look of affection, support and brotherly love coming from him. The message coming from all of them was clear. _You will never be left alone again while I am your friend._

Chris's growl slowly turned into the spoken word again. "Who was it Ezra?"

"No Chris. Not now."

"Ez-"

"Not now Chris. Not today. I do not believe I can deal with anything more on my plate today. Please."

It took several deep breaths but Chris brought himself back under control. "Fine, but we are going to be having another chat again soon."

Ezra merely nodded as he rose. "If you gentlemen don't mind, I feel the need for some fresh air. I think Chaucer could use some exercise." He left, the others fighting down the urge to follow him.

When they saw him ride out several minutes later, they felt it was safe to speak again.

"Tell me how we never knew any of this. How could we not see how damaged he was – is?"

"That's the easy question Buck – 'cause he didn't want us to. Like we've said all along. He is the best at what he does – he's a chameleon. And he hides in plain sight every day."

"But this – this nightmare stuff." JD couldn't understand it.

"The worse a memory is, the deeper it can get buried." The profiler in Josiah was coming to the surface. "He learned to cope by not accepting that there was really anything wrong with what happened. Any of what happened. You heard him. Being shuffled to family or even strangers was an adventure, it was a game. A childhood fantasy come true. And when it was bad – well then he probably deserved it. He was – what did he call it? – 'bothersome'. And when it was really bad. I'd guess the bastards who did that – who assaulted him, told him it was the only love he was worthy of. Would explain why he doesn't understand to this day why anyone would think otherwise."

Buck was pacing, speed picking up as he got angrier by the second. Chris reached out to grab his arm. "No Buck, you are not allowed to find them and kill them. Or hurt them. Putting the fear of God into them, that we can talk about. But we don't do anything behind his back. His defenses are down now, and he hates that he let himself slip up that much. He needs to know he can trust us with what he just shared. He needs to know his interests come first, before our desire to rip whoever did this limb from perverted limb. Understood." Buck grudgingly nodded. Chris scanned the room. "Everybody on board with this?" There were sad and very reluctant nods from all.

"OK – we give him about half an hour, then we all mount up for a nice long ride."

"Excellent idea Chris." Josiah nodded. "Good for the soul."

 ** _M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7_**

 ** _TBC_**


	7. Chapter 7

Night fell again on the ranch. The ride had been good for all parties, as they caught up with Ezra while he rested Chaucer and looked out over the hills. Few words were spoken, but the simple presence of the others calmed him more than he would have imagined possible. And in return, their emotions settled was well as they watched Ezra begin to relax again.

Once home, Ezra checked again for messages, still getting no response.

"Maybe Alice has moved on from the convent." Josiah suggested. "If you'd like I can call the Mother Superior there and see if she knows anything."

"I have already made that call. She did confirm Sister Mary Agnes, or as is now once again appropriate – Alice, had not only left the convent, but apparently has abandoned her calling. It would seem earthly desires overtook her heavenly calling." Josiah arched an eyebrow in question. "She fell in love. Her last known destination was believed to be Arizona with a gentleman whose name was unknown to the convent Matriarch."

"We work for the ATF, surely we can trace one errant ex-nun."

"I would not ask you to compromise yourselves by using the system for personal interests."

"Let us worry about that Ezra. You waiting on any other calls?"

"Just one." He spoke quietly, and Josiah wasn't sure he heard the next part correctly. "My father has not called back."

"I'm sorry – did you say your father? Why is it I assumed you were not in contact with the man?"

"Probably because I'm not. I have only spoken to him twice since I was a toddler, but I do make sure to stay aware of his location and situation as much as is possible."

"Why's that?" Ezra jumped at the unexpected voice.

"Damn it Chris. If you don't cease skulking up behind people I swear I will put a bell around your neck."

"I'd pay money to watch him try that on you." Vin grinned. Chris continued to glare, but expanded the look to include the sharpshooter, who simply shrugged it off as always.

"You know the saying, keep your friends close…"

"…but your enemies closer. You telling us your father is some kind of threat to you. You didn't think maybe you might have mentioned that in the past?"

"Not a threat Chris, at least not in the mode you are presuming. It is just highly advisable to ensure that I know as much about his activities as is possible, without actually making any kind of connection to the man."

"So he's not dangerous?"

"That would rather depend on your definition. Oh please, pack away the glare. I am not being deliberately vague. It is not a simple question. Jacob Standish is a complex, deceitful and completely immoral man, no doubt about it. He would not harm me physically. It is not his style. He might well have contacts who would do it for him, but as he would find no pleasure in that, it is unlikely to occur."

"Then why is he dangerous?"

"Because my ongoing existence annoys him. So, anything he can do to interfere with said existence, short of termination, is perfectly acceptable." Chris couldn't help but notice that was the same phrase he'd used when he discussed his discipline as a child. There were definitely issues that need to be addressed in the future.

"So what kind of crap had he pulled in the past?"

"A myriad of incidents that I choose not to dwell on. Please Chris, nothing is to be gained by going over worn ground. I will say, and please keep in mind I have no proof of this, that I believe the rumors that brought about my downfall in the FBI were the product of his interference. He has friends, or at least blackmail targets, in high places."

"What did you ever do to him to warrant such hatred?"

"The unpardonable sin of being born."

Once again the 7 found themselves settled around the fire pit for the evening. Ezra slowly nursed his Kentucky bourbon, determined to not have more than one drink this evening, not willing to risk a re-occurrence of the previous night's meltdown. Assorted beverages in hand, with more within reach for anticipated fortification, the others waited for him to start what they hoped would be the end of the suffering for their friend.

"I suppose the simplest way to start this part of the Tales of Ezra Standish-"

"Don't do that." JD interrupted.

"Do what?"

"Minimize this. It's not some fairy tale Ezra. This is your life, and it's important to us."

"My apologies. I had not intended it to seem so callous. And my thanks for your correction – and concern." JD nodded. Buck fought with only minimal success to keep the proud look from his face, and Ezra risked tossing a wink in his direction.

"As I was saying, the simplest way to start is to ask a question which I am certain you have all thought to yourself at some point. What was Maude Standish thinking ever having a child?"

"Be lying if I said it never crossed my mind." Buck acknowledged, while Josiah and Nathan nodded concurrence.

"I'm sure it won't surprise you to hear it was not her intention to do so. I learned early in my life that I was an unanticipated consequence of one of her ventures. She was courting a man of means, power and prestige. Someone who would, beyond a doubt, ensure her future in the southern aristocracy, with connections to European nobility no less. Her campaign was carefully laid out and progressing according to schedule when she discovered the fly in the ointment – me. It is my understanding it took her only a matter of moments to make arrangements to resolve the problem with expediency."

He did his best to avoid looking at any of the others, not that he needed to in order to read the room. He began to fear for the state of Buck's vocal chords, given the amount of growling the man had done in the last few days. Chris was also at risk. The intake of breath from the others reflected similar displays of dismay, but he chose to pretend no one had reacted, and moved forward with the story. He had come to appreciate that nothing short of full disclosure would satisfy these men, and he also realized he owed this truth to them. He needed them to know he had absolute trust and faith in them all.

"As providence would dictate, the clinic she intended to utilize was closed for the weekend by the time she had arrived. Over the course of the next two days she altered her interpretation of the situation. What better way to trap a husband than to present him with his progeny? Heir to the throne, so to speak. And so, before even being born, I was party to my first scam. I daresay if Guinness kept such accounts I would be the youngest con artist on record.

Mother was, so she told, a bit disheartened by the initial reaction of Jacob, her soon-to- be betrothed, but he seemed to adjust to the tidings in due course. Time marched on and the wedding occurred, providing me with the legitimacy so many have wondered about since. A matter of weeks before I was born, mother's plan imploded. It would seem Jacob was not exactly all he had appeared to be. There was no blood connection to the family name she so craved. He was an even greater fraud than she. _He_ had been courting _her_ , believing her created family tree would bestow upon him the credentials he required to enable him to run his scams on the afore mentioned nobility. When he determined such an opportunity did not exist, he was out the door before the dust had settled. The irony still amuses me. It was the one time Maude Standish was completely and thoroughly taken in, and she was left not only with no funds, no connections and no husbands, but with the unruly burden of a child. And before you express yourself Josiah, I acknowledge a child is a gift, not a burden. But I am sure you can see where mother might dispute that. In fact, it was her resentment of the events that inspired her to encumber me with the unique designation I possess. Certainly you can understand that the name 'Ezra' was a lamentable choice, especially during my formative years. I grew to despise the variations and epithets that the name inspired."

He paused to take a few more sips of his amber tonic. He would dearly love to have gulped it down and moved on to the bottle, but control was a primary focus this night.

"Mother being mother, she was able to rebound from the affliction of maternity to quickly derive alternate strategies allowing her to take best advantage of her new status. I suppose you could consider them very early exposure to undercover work, as I was constantly taking on new identities as mother played 'find the daddy'. I had so many birth certificates of varying dates that to this day I am not entirely certain of my genuine date of birth."

As he paused for another sip, Nathan took advantage of the lull.

"How do you do it Ezra? How do you sound so cavalier about all of this? You talk about it like a game, or a job. It was – it is your life. She had no right."

"Calm yourself Nathan. All of you – please. Agitation attributable to something that transpired years – decades – ago, serves no purpose. As for my offhanded addressing of the incident. That my friend comes from years of practice." He looked to Josiah. "I suppose a profiler might be more inclined to call it years of sublimation?" He didn't wait for an answer.

"To return to the narrative – Jacob did eventually make an appearance. As you might surmise, he too had developed an operation which would greatly benefit from the pretence of domestic bliss. As he and mother were technically married at the time, the choice was obvious. We became quite the trio of swindlers for a period. However, as I got a bit older, and a little more – oh shall we call it precocious – I was less than reliable as a participant in the process. A few poorly timed disclosures had us run out of town in England on what would have been a significant haul, and I believe it was at that point Jacob determined my birth was his curse, and I have become an anathema to him ever since."

If outrage described Chris's feelings toward Maude, he was at a loss for a word to cover his loathing of Jacob. Having tragically lost his own son, Chris could not begin to grasp how anyone could treat any child in such a manner. Knowing this had happened to someone he considered a friend, a dear friend, made it that much more abhorrent. Maude might now be out of reach of the law, but Jacob was another matter. The poor SOB had no way of knowing he had just moved to the top of Larabee's Most Wanted list, but he would soon find out.

"What I don't get is why you feel you need to call him about this." Vin questioned. "If you haven't talked to him since he walked out then, why bother."

"I know he kept in contact with Mother – and I believe from time to time they even worked together. To my knowledge, they never divorced."

"But she kept getting married?"

"Yes JD – it's called bigamy. You think that is a law mother would favour over others?" The younger man looked down and Ezra immediately felt guilty about the taunt. "My apologies. I fear I am growing a bit weary, making me just a touch pricklier than I need be."

"You don't have to apologize to me Ezra. All this might make me a touch prickly too."

He really didn't deserve such consideration and kindness from these men, but knew saying so would only initiate another discussion he was not capable of handling tonight. "To finish answering your inquiry Vin; I have no desire to speak with the man, and I cannot imagine any other occurrence that would compel me to make the effort. I am trying to contact Jacob now simply because it is the proper thing to do."

"It's more than he'd do for you." Buck snarled.

"Precisely. And as I choose to believe I am – that I have become – a better man than he, the least I can to is demonstrate that."

"Course you're a better man Ezra. God Lord, you can't possibly doubt that?" Josiah was disturbed the young man would even consider such a notion.

"No Josiah – I no longer question that. I have had friends persuade me of the truth." He tossed back the rest of his drink. "If you gentlemen will excuse me, I do suspect I may be able to secure a decent slumber tonight, so I believe I shall retire." He brought two fingers to his forehead, saluting his companions as he headed in for the night. They watched him walk away, each lost in his own thoughts on what they'd heard that evening. Each independently making the vow to do whatever it took to make sure Ezra never doubted his worth to them again.

 ** _M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7_**

 ** _TBC_**


	8. Chapter 8

_Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews. Serious blood rush to my ego! This one is almost over (sort of) but there will be more stories to come. I can't seem to stop._

"Who's he talking to?" Vin titled his head to indicate Ezra's presence outside, pacing past the patio doors while on his cell phone.

"No idea." Chris shrugged. "That's about the third call this morning that I've seen. He was up when I came down. Think he'd been up for a while."

"Ezra? The man who claimed to be unaware of the fact there was an 8 o'clock in the morning?" The undercover expert's preference for long nights and late mornings was well known to all.

"What can I say Vin. He just ain't our normal Ezra right now." He thought back to yesterday's revelations. "Not sure we really know who Ezra is."

"Sure we do." Vin smiled at the puzzled look he got. "He's just Ezra, Chris. Maybe a little more bruised than we thought, but we know who he is – maybe better than he does. I'm thinking now he might be ready to see that too. Move past all the BS everybody has piled on him over the years, and find out what really underneath."

Chris looked out the window, hoping Vin was right. As he saw Ezra pocket his phone, he prepared a cup of coffee for his emotionally drained agent.

"Get all your calls done?"

"As many as I think will be required today. The last call was the morgue. Mother's body has been released, and I have arranged for her cremation. Given the circumstances, I have decided to forego any formal funeral ceremony. It wasn't exactly her style, and I fear anyone who might attend would be there more to gloat than to mourn. I'm not certain I could deal with that in an appropriate manner."

"Oh, I think you'd deal with that kind of disrespect entirely appropriately, but then we'd likely have to arrest you for beating the crap out of folk." Buck reached for the coffee pot as he entered the kitchen. "Actually, we couldn't arrest you, since they'd be hauling all of us in as well."

Ezra laughed at the surprising and somehow perfect image of the team in cuffs being led away in the funereal finery. Buck was thrilled he'd been able to elicit such a response.

"D'ya know what you want to do with the rem – with the ashes –". Vin couldn't believe he was so uncomfortable with the question. Ezra reached out and laid a hand quickly on his forearm, indicating his appreciation of the awkward concern.

"I do have a possible proposal, but I am afraid it would necessitate your indulgence Chris, and after yesterday's discussions, I'm not sure my entreaty would be an tolerable possibility for you."

"Tell me your notion Ezra. Worst I can say is no, and I doubt very much anything you want would be too much to ask."

"The ridge we rode to yesterday? Overlooking the valley? If you have no protestations, I would appreciate being permitted to disperse her ashes there. I do understand that you many not which to have mother's – presence – as a permanent feature on your property, even in that form. But I do believe it might be a setting that would afford her a peace in death that she never truly enjoyed in life. But as I stated, I entirely understand should you choose to rebuff the suggestion. In fact, please disregard this discussion. It is unreasonable of me to place you in such a position. I shall consider a different, more appropriate venue." Ezra turned away, mortified by his blathering. He barely got a step away before feeling a hand clamp down on his shoulder and gently spin him back.

"I am honoured that you would find my ranch to be an fitting final resting place for someone you loved. I hope that you'll let us to come with you when the time comes."

"I'd like to say a prayer for her – if you'd allow for that Ezra." Josiah spoke softly from the doorway, where he and Nathan now stood.

"I think that would be most appreciated. I would like to do this at sunset this evening, if that fits with everyone's plans. Having you all with me would be – would mean –. I would like that very much. Very much. Excuse me." He turned and quickly strode outside, brushing past JD and Buck as they joined the others.

"Morning Ez. Did you get-. Ez?" JD started after him till Buck caught his shirt tale.

"Leave him be Kid. I think everything is finally catching up to him."

"What can we do?"

"Just be here."

No one was surprised to hear Chaucer's hoof beats a few moments later. Chris filled them in on the plans for the day, making some unilateral decisions on Ezra's behalf, giving everyone some tasks to get things ready. He would take Ezra to the crematorium himself, and they could then go by his place to allow him to get a few days' worth of clothing as well. Chris had no intention of leaving him on his own quite yet.

For a change, everything went according to plan. Several friends of the team called off and on during the day, offering condolences, support and of course – food. Ezra elected to speak to no one, but did suggest that they be invited to come out to the ranch later in the evening. "Mother would have enjoyed a wake in her honour." Hell, she would enjoy anything in her honour, he thought to himself.

As the afternoon waned, the men prepared the horses for their ride. Ezra was quiet, as he had been all day, speaking only to answer questions. He saddled Chaucer, not even murmuring to the animal as he usually did while cinching the strap. As he placed the bridle, Chaucer turned and nuzzled into the crook of Ezra's neck. He leaned his head against the broad neck and stood still for a moment. When he moved again, Chaucer gently tossed his head back, knocking Ezra's hat. When he bent to pick it up, a gentle nudge threatened to knock him over. Ezra looked up, squinting at the beast. "Are you trying to provoke me my friend? No, you wouldn't. You are simply trying to get me to talk to you, aren't you? I apologize for my neglect." He finished preparing his right, talking to the horse throughout.

Vin couldn't hold back the smirk as he turned to Nathan. "Now how is it the damn horse is able to get through to him, when we could barely get him to say a syllable all day?" The healer just shrugged.

"Ezra is nothing if not a conundrum."

"Conundrum? You've been spending too much time with him Josiah."

"That would not be possible." He lowered his voice to barely a whisper. "Besides Vin, I think Ezra may be worried he has been talking a bit too much to us in the last couple of days. We're gonna have to make sure he knows we think nothing less of him for what he has shared."

"Less of him?"

"Dammit Buck, lower your voice"

"Hell, it's the opposite. Everything he's been through. To be the man he is now? That's damned impressive."

"Don't tell us – tell him. But Buck, give him a couple of days first."

"Yeah" JD added "and try to be a bit subtle about it." That advice coming from the most transparent member of the team brought smiles to all.

Ezra stood on the veranda, looking up at the night sky. He was tempted to turn off the front light to allow himself a better view of the stars, but knowing the house and driveway lights would remain, he refrained.

He listened to the buzz of conversation from inside. In addition to team some good friends had joined them for the evening. The Judge and his wife Evie along with Nettie, Mary, Casey, and Raine now mingled in the house. The occasional burst of laughter, often followed by urges to hush or settle down. Clearly some of these people had never been privy to a proper wake in the past. He couldn't help but smile at the turn of events. There was no time in his life when he would have envisioned the day he would be surrounded and supported by friends, let alone so many. And, he finally was learning to accept, by family. Not blood kin – he'd long since realized that meant nothing when push came to shove. No, he had the kind of family he had never dared to dream of. The unconditional support and love of six brothers. He vowed to himself that he would do whatever was needed to remain worthy of them.

Vin cautiously poked his head out the door. "Coming back in Pard? Chris wants to make a speech, and since that only happens about once a decade, don't think you want to miss it." Ezra grinned, looked up to the skies one last time, and followed his friend – his brother – into the house.

Sure enough, Chris stood in the centre of the room. He reached out and pulled Ezra beside him, as Buck places a shot of Kentucky Bourbon in the younger man's hand.

"OK – settle down. This is gonna be short."

"Thankfully."

"Heard that JD – not funny. I want to propose a toast to a truly – unique – woman. None of us really new Maude Standish all that well, and sadly it's too late to change that fact now. But we do all have one thing in common. We all, every one of us, owes her a debt. A sincere thanks. Because without Maude Standish – we wouldn't have Ezra." He raised his glass.

"Thank you Maude."

The rest of the room echoed the sentiment, while Ezra quietly looked down at his drink. "Yes," he spoke softly. "Thank you mother for, contrary to all your best efforts, shaping a man worthy of these people."


	9. Chapter 9

_Epilogue_

 _A black car sat quietly just beyond the end of the drive. With the moonless sky and the country darkness, it remained invisible to all, including the man who had been standing on the veranda, unaware he was being watched. The occupant had been in the area most of the day, following him early on his onerous errand at the crematorium, and monitoring him preparing for the evening ceremony. The open location had made it impossible to be close to the ritual, but it had been short, and from what could be seen from a distance, not too stressful for the young man. Clearly he was taking comfort in the support of those around him, and his watcher was surprisingly pleased to realize that. After they'd left – well after to be sure of no observers, a lone figure trudged the distance to the ridge._

 _"_ _I am sorry things ended this way Alice. Little did either of us expect when you visited that circumstances would unfold as they did. You deserve a better end than this, but I would have been a fool not to take advantage of your unfortunate accident. And, yes little sister, I know it was wrong to wait for days before letting the authorities know where to find your body, but you understand it was necessary that you not look you best when discovered. Even my poor Ezra was fooled. Funny; when we were children you always wished to me more like me – more adventurous, more daring. Who could have predicted that in death you would become me?"_

 _And now she sat parked at the side of the road, watching her son looking out over the skies. She wondered what he was searching for. He was well done of her, at least for now. It might well be some time, if ever, before she could make an appearance again. Her last job had been poorly planned, and insufficient information had almost proved to be her downfall. He was better off to be distanced from her, now more than ever. She was reasonable certain her last mark had no idea of Ezra's existence, let alone a connection to her. It was unlikely he would face any consequences, especially given his status as – of all things – a lawman. She could see no reason to risk her carefully executed illusion simply to warn him of a remotely possible danger. The odds did not justify the risk._

 _She looked back to the house in time to see him disappearing indoors, back to the cadre of federal agents he now associated with. Shaking her head in disapproval of his life choices, she started the engine, driving off into the night._

 **The End?**

I fully expect Maude, and now that we know about him, Jacob, to show up in the future if I think anyone is interested. I can't stop writing them. Hope you continue to be interested in reading them.


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